Alright alright it’s a few days late but I forgive Padraig so you should too! J

A few weeks back I sent a few ‘different’ questions to, Card Player Europe magazine columnist, TV poker commentator, and Irish poker professional Padraig Parkinson. I wasn’t expecting standard answers and he didn’t disappoint!    

AC: If you relate your poker skills to a professional footballer, which position would you play & why?

PP: Kit man, the way I’m playing at the moment.

AC: If you relate your poker skills to a modern day professional footballers wage packet, how much would you command each week?

PP: I didn’t realise there were any professional footballers who were earning a negative amount.

AC: If you were a lead singer of a well known rock/pop/rap group which group would you be fronting and why?

PP: Abba, we’ve both been without a hit for about the same time.

AC: How much would it take for you to pose nude in a top selling gay magazine?

PP: It depends on how accurate the claims in those adverts for penis enlargement are.

AC: You’ve just won the Irish Open 2009, you then decide to embark on a ‘staking’ frenzy like Neil Channing at the 2008 WSOP and buy more players in than Poker Stars - The following players come up to you and ask to be backed into the 2009 WSOP main event – What are your individual responses to the following players:

Devilfish: Yes, but only if he’s been to bed the night before - His own bed! He’s not getting any younger.

Neil Channing: No way. Good player but I’ve seen the lack of respect he has for his own money. Hard to imagine he’d treat mine any different.

Gus Hansen: Yes if he was skint. So probably yes.

Marc Goodwin: Lol

Roy Brindley: Lol

Jerry Wang: No way. Jesus isn’t going to help him out twice.

Chris Moneymaker: No, though I quite like the guy.

Willie Tann: If he was skint, yes. So, definitely. I think I’d employ Rory Liffey to keep him away from the dice.

Phil Hellmuth: Yes, but I’d say no first, just for the laugh.

AC: Name 1 well known player you’ve never got on with?

PP: That Dutch guy Noah, whatever his name is. We had a bit of a falling out at an EPT in Dublin and I suffer from Irish Alzheimer’s. I forget everything except the grudges.

AC: Who are your best friend(s) in Poker?

PP: The ones who haven’t fucked me for money. Very few actually.

AC: If you won the WSOP main event then blew it all, would you sell your bracelet?

PP: My blowing it all is an even longer price than my winning it.

AC: You decide to set up a poker team similar to The Hendon Mob but called ‘The Guiness Mob’ – Which 3 other players would be in it?

PP: Scott Gray, Julian Gardner and Stevie Wonder. The first two for the party, and the last one so the other three don’t look too bad.

AC: Who is your favourite Poker journalist/columnist?

PP: Me. I don’t read anybody elses.

AC: Which poker friend would you be confident of being able to last the distance with you in a bar? And which bar/pub would it be in?

PP: Irish under the radar pro Thomas O’Riain. We’ve been practising together for twenty years, but my liver says it’s longer.

AC: Your annual charity poker tournament for the homeless in Dublin attracts well known players from all over the world – Which player would you most like to play that hasn’t participated yet?

So I think I’ve unearthed a comical genius…Yes people, my friend from Facebook is back with another cracker of a poker story.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to the stage…’Vince Morgan’…

Hey Alba,

This next story is probably the most embarrassed I’ve ever been at a poker table - it happened in my first year playing poker.

I’d been doing ok, winning a bit and I met someone at the ‘Big Slick’ (poker club in Purley) who invited me to a home game in West Wichkam.

I turn up a bit late and basically sat down as soon as play started. It was only a six seater game sat around a round table.

To cut a long story short, I was really nervous and about 10 hands in a big hand evolved between this Irish guy and the person who’d invited me to the game. Now the Irish lad was pushed all in for about a £600 decision, so he had a long think about it and started talking to find information.

…”Youve missed your flush lad, I’m sure you have”…Staring right at me.

I got a bit twitchy as I’d folded pre flop, so I reply, “Erm…I folded a while ago mate”, thinking he’d made a mistake.

He looked puzzled and didn’t say anything as I was squirming!!

After about a minute he broke the silence again…”Jesus, your pushing me off this hand and you’ve got F**k all - your eyes are giving you away”…Again leaning on the table staring right at me.

Now picture this in a high squeaky pubescent voice, I shove my chair back and say…”Look mate, talk to the guy in the hand with you - leave me the f**k alone”…

When he realised what happened he burst out laughing! He had a bloody glass eye!! He wasn’t staring at me at all! I was looking at an eye that couldnt move and it was locked on me…!!

I went bright bright red. Worst thing is, is my girlfriend came along and watched me play, to this day she never lets me forget what a fool I am…lol.

Vincey